“You have controlled your fear. Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy me.”

I’m tired. I am so relieved that Biden and Harris won, and I am tired. I am tired of fighting with people who don’t want to do anything more than fight. I woke up this morning so tired because it wasn’t over. Day 4 or something and it wasn’t over. 

And then it was. And I cried. And they werent the tears I cried 4 years ago Oh god, not those tears. The tears of 4 years ago were of pain and of fear. Today, they were tears of relief. And then they were tears of glee. Glee in that I don’t have to watch a train I’m on falling off a cliff while armed guards wearing beards and wrap around sunglasses spit and yell at the passengers who dare scream. 

And then I cried because of Kamala Harris. I cried because, as a woman, she represents us. As Gen X, she represents us, and for the ladies of color, she very importantly represents them. And no one knows struggle more than a woman of color. And this cry we cried today, it’s so different from the one four years ago that came from the window of my neighbor, a black woman. A wailing cry that broke my heart. 

No. Today is different. The cry and then the breath. And then the party. The joy! The girls in Nevada who are celebrating because their mom is set to be deported in a few months. The joy of the lady in NYC whose great grandfather fought for voter’s rights in Florida. The joy I feel that I don’t have to fear for my children’s futures. I don’t have to fear that my kids won’t live to see their futures. 

And the block parties all over the country. Filling the streets and dancing. We haven’t been this happy in YEARS. They’re saying it looks like V-Day. 

And apparently these are things I have to tell my beloved dad who has somehow bought into this whole cult of personality situation that terrifies me. I mean, we all have that uncle, but my dad?? 

My dad is the person I will start a war for. My dad has raised me to be the kind, empathetic, parent that I pride myself to be. My dad who I will not allow a bad word spoken of. My dad has gone to the dark side and I’m like Luke holding him up and begging him not to take off his mask. Or something. If those two had a better relationship it would make a better analogy. Just go with it. 

How did we get here as a country? I know where I stand, I need a government that cares for everyone, especially the vulnerable, but that’s clearly not what over 70 million people need. Like my dad. And what is it? Because I can’t think of anyone that would be a worse person to represent my country than Trump, and yet, here we are. My dad is way more Biden than he ever has been Trump, yet he’s leaving MAGA-like hate comments on my posts and I toggle between hoping he’s been hacked and also hoping I can figure out why he’s feeling the way I did 4 years ago. And he’s making these ignorant comments and my friends are on attack. And that’s my dad and I cannot let it happen. 


I’m fine with blocking randoms, but I have to protect my dad. And he has vastly opposing views. And I have to understand how he’s gotten here. I’m done with fighting. I refuse to engage with magats. No more. Today was a day for zen and continuing from here on out. But then my dad came in and I’m here. Any other family member is for the wolves, but my dad who I would take a bullet for…. You’re killin’ me, Smalls.

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