Have you ever seen something so absolutely bizarre that you almost have an out of body experience over it or something? Well, that happened to me today when I was scrolling through tumblr and I saw the post about the death of the Sky Whale. And I’ve seen the post a few times the past 3 years it’s been going around tumblr and every single time I see it I feel like I’ve been dreaming this whole time. Like there is no way that Sky Whale could be an actual thing. What it actually is and what my mind has decided it is are two different things, and that’s probably a good thing. What it actually is is some very strange hot air balloon with boobs. What I always picture it is when I see that tumblr post, is some miles long Sky Whale that just hangs out in the sky, indefinitely. I don’t know the mechanics of how, exactly, but it’s always there, ominously casting its shadow over this particular town. No one knows where it came from, it’s just there. And it creeps me out every time I think about it. It feels like a nightmare before you realize you’re having a nightmare. So, for Day 16 of my Camp Nano Question of the Day project, the question remains the same, but my answer has completely changed.

What would be the hat to end all hats? What could you wear on your head that would make people stop what they are doing and stare in awe and amazement?

source

Originally when I started writing this post, I was thinking about the Shel Silverstein dude with all the hats but now I’ve decided that actually, I need a Sky Whale hat. And maybe the boobs on the Sky Whale could be filled with wine and there would straws coming out of the nipples. What else would I want out of the Sky Whale hat? It should be inflatable like the real Sky Whale but with circulating air to keep your head cool. You could have alternating temperatures for winter wear. It would be large enough to block out the sun, much like my intrusive thoughts about the real one. It would be made out of like tent fabric so it would also be rain proof. What if it could enlarge so it could be a tent?! But then what if it took off in the sky like some kind of James and the Giant Peach situation and next thing you know, cloud men are throwing paint at you? This is why it needs to also be stain proof. Also in case wine gets on it.

If it did float off with you inside of it, how would you get down? It’s not like a hot air balloon where you could adjust the temperature to lower the pressure or however those things work. Oh wait, I designed it for summer wear as well, so technically you could but not if the cold air was somehow diverted out or used up to chill the wine. Then what? You would just be up there, floating forever. Stuck up there in the sky, looking down on all the people below. At first they wondered where the big whale came from but now they just go about their lives like the whale was always there. You try to motion down to them to throw you a sandwich and a soda pop but they don’t even look up anymore. There were rumblings in the town that maybe the whale was part of some government surveillance system, and while you know it’s not that, you can’t help but wonder what would happen to you if it were. Why would they have chosen you of all people to spy on your town? Forced into snitchery.

And there you live with your conspiracies and loneliness until finally someone rebels against the system and shoots you out of the sky.