I made a New Year’s resolution to write a blog everyday. Here I am, Day 2 and I’m at a loss of interesting thoughts. My brain has had “Never Gonna Give You Up” on repeat for around 3 hours now and nothing else. My brain would rather rickroll me than help me become an upstanding member of society. I’m doing great at this.
I’m also supposed to be reading a book. I joined a book club a few months ago and have read maybe eleven pages total. There have been 2 books. I’ve read ELEVEN (11) pages. How am I so bad at this? On the downlow, how morally reprehensible would it be, really, to CliffsNotes this bad boy? I’m so going to get kicked out of book club, aren’t I? I don’t want that! This feels like high school all over again but with a lot less 90210 to watch.
I love book club. Not only am I the youngest by a couple of decades which makes me feel super young but the other people in the book club are such interesting and smart people! I have so much to learn from them. And I’ll never get the chance because they’re going to kick me to the curb soon because I can’t stop researching conspiracy theories on the internet, thereby giving me no time for reading actual books.
I need to make the time. I’m pretty sure that’s how resolutions work. Ugh. This feels so restrictive and unfair. Who decided we need to be better people?? Whose hair-brained idea was it to decide everyone needs to be healthier and nicer and more cultured just because it’s a new year? That was asking for trouble right out of the gate because I was a bit drunk on champagne when I thought of this dumb list and hungover when I decided to publicly announce that I was a “New Me” so now I feel obligated to whine loudly to anyone who happens to be in the vicinity of my online tantrums. You’ve brought this upon yourselves.
If you’re keeping score on my resolution revolution, then you should know that I have showered, you’re welcome. I have gone outside, because I had to take out the trash and that counts, it should count twice because it was the trash. I’m currently blogging, and I don’t actually remember the rest of my list but I’m sure the exercising part is going to be the catalyst that will drag this whole lifestyle change into the gutter so we’re not going to mention it. So see? I’m doing great! I just need to read my book. After checking in on my social medias. And googling “hauntings”.
Wish me luck! I’m on page 7. I want to get to at least page 34 tonight. Think I can do it? I need someone to be my conspiracy and celeb gossip looker-into-er, though. Who wants that job?? It’s for the greater good so I don’t get kicked out of Fight Club. Oh my god, what if they beat me up?? This is exactly like high school, time to bust out the chokers, plaid mini-skirts, and Doc Martins. I’ve got reading to do.